One Year Later: Part 2 of 4

Over the year, Scott and I found that keeping busy was the best way to counter the grief – to keep our minds full so we didn’t dwell too much on the fact that our baby boy is no longer with us. We’ve both kept busy at work. I’m still working at Weir Specialty Pumps. When I returned from my six weeks of leave I actually found a surprise waiting for me there! My supervisor and the two girls in my department decorated my office and filled it with a lot of sugary goodness! I was very surprised, but touched by their thoughtfulness.

 

 

 
We had some layoffs in June that made life pretty hectic as well, but things have calmed down a lot and we’re doing better than before.

Scott recently started a new job working at a hotel with a mission buddy. He’ll be going back to school here pretty soon so that will be good for him!

While Scott was already serving in the Young Men’s as 2^nd counselor, shortly after losing Kyden I was called into the Young Women’s Presidency as first counselor. It has been such an amazing experience getting to know my girls. We have a small group – only 5 girls – but they’re all strong, beautiful, faithful girls and I’m a better person for knowing them! Scott was later called as the first counselor after the YM’s President moved, so we’ve both had plenty to do with the youth!

In early March, Scott and I ran into some issues with our car situation. I won't go into all the details because it was kind of unpleasant. Long story short, we decided to sell Scott's car for several reasons, which we did remarkably quick after finding another car we wanted. It actually took less than 24 hours for a buyer to see our ad on KSL, come check it out, tell us it was exactly what she’d been searching for and we’d been an answer to her prayers and we signed the final documents signing it over to her. The day after we sold his car we received a call from the sellers of the car we planned to buy stating they'd decided not to sell their car. So suddenly we found ourselves with only one car. Initially we were pretty upset. Scott and I both work full time and we weren't sure how this would work out.

After a few days we talked it out and decided maybe this was a blessing in disguise. On March 17th we decided to go to the Mazda dealership and take a look at the new Mazda 3. They had the exact car we wanted, so we took it for a test drive. Now, I’ve never been a car girl - really just not interested in motor vehicles. But boy did I fall in love with this car!  We both did in fact. So we decided to trade my car in (which was beginning to fall apart itself) and we became owners of our first brand new car! And while initially we thought having one car would be impossible with two work schedules, we’ve managed to make it work beautifully so far. And we get to see each other even more because we carpool together. Its funny how life throws curveballs but it always works out in the end!

We had a pretty action-packed summer, which again was very good for us! Scott and I went on a roadtrip to Blanding, UT at the beginning of July to attend a family reunion on my dad’s side. It’s been years since I’ve been down there, so I was very excited! I hope Scott doesn’t mind me sharing this because it really…well, it touched me and hurt my heart as well. Just another example of how our lives are forever changed.

As we were driving down we were listening to one of our favorite musicians Brad Paisley.  There’s a song entitled “Anything Like Me” that Scott was rather fond of during the early stages of my pregnancy with Kyden.

As the song came on, Scott quickly reached down and skipped to the next song saying, “We’re not listening to that.” I stared at him, kind of surprised and said, “I thought you liked that song.” to which he responded, “Be nice.”

Let me post the lyrics for you.

I remember sayin' I don't care either way,
Just as long as he or she is healthy, I'm okay.
And then the doctor pointed to the corner of the screen,
And said, "You see that thing right there? Well, you know what that means."

I started wondering who he was going to be,
And I thought heaven help us if he's anything like me.

He'll probably climb a tree too tall and ride his bike too fast,
End up every summer wearin' something in a cast.
He's gonna throw a ball and break some glass,
In a window down the street.

He's gonna get in trouble, oh, he's gonna get in fights,
I'm gonna lose my temper and some sleep.
It's safe to say that I'm gonna get my payback,
If he's anything like me.

I can see him right now, knees all skinned up,
With a magnifying glass tryin' to melt a Tonka truck.
Won't he be a sight with his football helmet on?
That'll be his first love 'til his first love comes along.

He'll get his heart broke by the time he's in his teens,
And heaven help him if he's anything like me.

He'll probably stay out too late and drive his car too fast,
Get a speeding ticket, he'll pay for mowing grass.
He's gonna get caught skippin' class,
And be grounded for a week.

He's gonna get into trouble, we're gonna get in fights,
I'm gonna lose my temper and some sleep.
It's safe to say that I'm gonna get my payback,
If he's anything like me.

He's gonna love me,
And hate me along the way.
The years are gonna fly by,
And I already dread the day.

He's gonna hug his mama, he's gonna shake my hand,
He's gonna act like he can't wait to leave.

But as he drives out he'll cry his eyes out,
If he's anything like me.
There's worst folks to be like, oh, he'll be alright,
If he's anything like me.

Scott says “Be nice” When he doesn’t want to come straight out and say something is hurting or bothering him. “Be nice.” can be interpreted to say, “I can’t listen to that anymore. It hurts too much.” or something along those lines.

Anyway, Scott doesn’t talk too openly about how he feels about losing Kyden, but its little moments like this that I see how deeply he’s hurting too. I think it’s easy to forget about the dads who experience child loss and I think it’s important to remember that even though they might not show it as openly as a mother might, they’re hurting too and need extra love and support.

 

 

 

 

In mid-July Scott and I were invited to Lake Powell by his parents, along with Scott’s sister Kim and her family. We’ve been to Lake Powell several times but this was the first time going with Kim and her family and it was a lot of fun! I think the kids had a blast and it was fun to share it with them. Every trip to Lake Powell is different. This year we experienced rain in one of the canyons that caused waterfalls to come down the walls of the canyons! It was a pretty spectacular sight. As always our trip was full of fun and adventure, the landscape was beautiful to behold, and it was a much-needed vacation!