One Year Later: Part 4 of 4

I’d say the best part about this year has come towards the close. The morning of our three year wedding anniversary, 10/10/12, I took a pregnancy test. And it was positive. Our due date is June 9, 2013 and we couldn’t be happier!

I was actually very sick this time around. I started feeling nauseous before I even knew I was pregnant (that’s always a good sign, right?) and I threw up for the first time only a couple of days after getting a positive test. I threw up on average about 5 times a week. It was only once a day, but the nausea was constant! I don’t remember being nearly so miserable with Kyden and I know I didn’t throw up as much! Luckily the sickness began fading around 14 weeks and I’ve only gotten better since!

I told my parents on October 20th. Scott was duck hunting with his dad and me, my mom, Scott's mom and sisters were all going to Gardner Village to enjoy the Halloween festivities. The way I told my parents was quite simple - I handed them my phone with the picture below on the screen. They were thrilled and we told my siblings as well. We told Scott's family the following day at dinner - Scott just made me announce it at the table hahah.

Gardner Village was a lot of fun - I absolutely LOVE fall and Halloween, so it was a lot of fun to walk around and enjoy the atmosphere. I was pretty sick, but I tried not to let it show!

Our first appointment I was 10 weeks along and we were a little nervous, but it went wonderfully! We got to see our baby for the first time on the ultrasound and I was really surprised at how different the experience was compared to the first time we saw Kyden. Kyden rarely moved and we never saw him move during our many ultrasounds. Our first one he just laid there, our cute little peanut. But this baby is a little wriggler! Almost the moment he/she appeared on screen he/she started stretching and kicking and moving all over the place! It took awhile before Dr. Brown could watch the heartbeat because he/she wouldn’t stop moving! We actually took a video but wouldn’t you know, as soon as Scott started recording, all the movement stopped and he/she lay there quiet as can be! Dr. Brown teased it must be a girl because she’s camera shy hahah. Well, the heartbeat was fantastic and we were reassured all was well.

 

We didn’t announce officially until after our second appointment. I wanted to announce on Kyden’s birthday, but we decided to wait a couple of days just to make sure everything was still okay. (Obviously everything went okay – the heartbeat still sounded fantastic, I passed my bloodwork and everything else was looking good!) So on December 10^th, we finally announced that our rainbow is on the way! Here’s what I officially posted on Facebook:

After 14 weeks and two positive doctor’s appointments, we’ve decided to finally announce that our Rainbow Baby is on the way!

For those of you who don’t know, a "Rainbow Baby" is a child born following a miscarriage or still birth.

Why a rainbow? Rainbows always follow a storm, bringing forth hope and beauty after the darkness, cold, and rain. The rainbow stands out against the dark clouds, more beautiful and brilliant having just endured the ravages of the storm.

Our storm happened a year ago when we lost Kyden. Although storm clouds still linger as we continue to mourn the loss of our son, we look forward with hope to the appearance of our own beautiful rainbow this summer – June 9, 2013. Watch for him/her with us, won’t you?

 

We have our next appointment on the 8^th of January and this is the one I’m most nervous for. We found out about Kyden’s condition when I was 19 weeks, 5 days along. At this appointment I’ll be just over 18 weeks and this is when we’ll take the AFP blood test (which was what first set off red flags that something might be wrong with Kyden) and we’ll set up our ultrasound appointment to see how the baby’s growth is progressing. Our experience with these milestones have not been pleasant so I think we’re both anxious to get through them and see that everything is okay with our little tadpole. I’m pretty sure I’ve been feeling the baby quite a lot – again it’s hard for me to be sure because even though I’ve been pregnant before, Kyden just couldn’t move much. I only remember maybe three instances where I really felt him move. So this is a very different experience and I’m not ready to say definitively YES I feel the baby. I’ll give it a few more weeks for that.

Anyway, we’re very excited to be on this journey again. I said earlier how different so many things have been and really, the entire feel of this pregnancy has been different. The moment I found out I was pregnant with Kyden I knew something was wrong. Call it instinct, call it mother’s intuition, call it the spirit – maybe it was all three – but I knew something was wrong. This time I’ve just felt excitement and peace. Well, some anxiety, but nothing compared to what I’ve experienced before. This time I can picture us bringing a baby home. Last time I couldn’t, even before we found out anything was wrong. I want to look at baby items and plan a nursery theme and I’m excited for a baby shower. With Kyden I didn’t have a desire to look at or buy anything. My mother in law said they wanted to throw me a baby shower when I was pregnant with Kyden (again before we found out about his condition) and I distinctly remember feeling that we wouldn’t have one for that baby. It’s just been a completely different experience, one that I appreciate so much more after having lost our first. Everyday is a gift. Every milestone is worth celebrating. Of course we know anything can happen, but it’s hard to feel apprehensive when you’re already filled with so much peace.